I have been following this thread since you started it. As you can see from the response so far, that many of us have a story similar to yours. This is therapy for all of us, being honest in our feelings, our experiences, our fears etc. And to be able to discuss various subjects without fear of reprisals, is refreshing and empowering to us to break free of the guilt that the Organization places on us for just seeking answers, that they don't want us to have or will admit that they were in error, as well as ruined the futures of many us who "will never grow old", see their dead love ones soon, pioneering is the best retirement,etc."
If they just admitted their own errors, and not come up with more confusing doctrines such as "Overlapping Generations " to cover their Asses, then blame the Rank and File for having "unfulfilled expectations "(who gave us these expectations?), many of us may have never begun this journey us "seeking the real truth".